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Today has been kind of an emotional day, that's why i decided to post in this blog. Just some random thoughts, this blog provides me a space for me to share, so yeah.
Examinations are finally over. The first paper was Mechanics, it is considered tough to me if you compare it with past year papers. The second paper was Mathematics. This paper made me realise how kind Prof Aaron was. Mathematics was just like a total pile of sh*t. I feel sorry for Prof Wee Han to mark my paper. The third paper was C Programming. This was one of the better papers that i did okay in. The last one was Measurement and Sensor. It was a really bad way to end my exams and start my holidays. I could not understand what the exam was about.
Various thoughts have been going through my head throughout the two weeks. To be honest, my grades aren't that great. For most of my tests, i only managed to obtain borderline passes. Therefore, i was just thinking if i should just give up after this semester. I do not come from a wealthy family, it has been a little tough for my parents to pay for my school fees. I was thinking, instead of wasting their money and my grades are like that, should i just give up and quit? I have been having this thought in my mind while studying for the various exams. This thought or idea of mine just got stronger and stronger after each paper. I felt demoralised during the last paper. Yes, demoralised. You will start to have this thought, "Are the professors trying to kill us and make us fail?". Well, i do know that this is not true, but i just lost all my confidence paper after paper. This is the first examination that i am able to stare at a question in a certain paper and my mind just went blank within seconds. I have no idea what the question is talking about. This was how crazy and serious it got.
So, why am i still here? I should start filing documents to withdraw from school. Well, i think i should, but i did not. I remembered, it was the last paper, Measurement and Sensor. My friends and i were walking to the bus stop after the paper. One of my friends was looking really sad and depressed. So i went up to her and asked if she's feeling alright. She was sharing with me that she has this thought of quitting school. When i first heard, i was like "oh, me too." And i started explaining to her,convincing her that she should not quit now. I was shocked by myself when i was on the way home thinking about the conversation we had. I have come this far. Maybe three months in the entire university life is considered little, but i have managed to pull through three months. After many sleepless nights, after spending many nights crying because i did not know how to do tutorials, after feeling so frustrated because i just cannot understand what Professors are talking about and after hating myself, thinking that why am i so stupid, i do not want to give up now. "If University was that easy, you will not have cases of people dropping out halfway through. Or people who cannot make it to University." My mum told me this when i complained to her about how tough the exams were. At first i was really angry when i heard her saying this. I was thinking, she should have comfort me instead. But thinking back, i feel that what she said was true. If it was that easy, it would not be called University, the final lap for students. I start to see things in a different light. University is not that easy to get in, but i am already in, for three months. I find it an accomplishment now that i managed to pass all my tests or assignment, even if there are all borderline passes. I will not give up now. This is a training for me, it trains my determination. If others can do it, i believe i can too. It just depends on how much effort and hard work i wish to put in for my studies. I hope it is not too late for me to understand this now. I am hoping that all my friends can persevere on. Hwaiting guys! "You don’t just rise to the top. There are times of preparation and many mountains to conquer for the ultimate triumph to the top.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita, Pearls of Wisdom: Great mind  |  |
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